Right or Wrong

Somebody treats you bad, real bad. What do you do? Take it all in and stay quite for few days. These few days you tell yourself you are better than the one who hurt you as you are still treating them well. You are quite, staying calm and hoping they would change in few days. But they don't. Days, months and sometimes you even give them years to change. But they don't. Think what they do and think is the best. Think they have every right to hurt you in any or every way possible.

Now, when you realize the change in them is never ever going to happen, is it bad on my part to give them a taste of their own medicine? Why not treat them the way they treat me just to make them realize how horrible it feels? I am no saint to get hit by every stone that's been thrown at me. I know there is a saying that goes something like build a house with the stones thrown at you or something of that sort. I've heard so many things by very positive people that ignore their words and actions and move ahead of them. But how practical and how easy is that to someone semi positive person like me? I can't stay quite forever. I will give it back one day and it be the end of my respect toward that person.

I don't think I'm being terrible in doing this. Nobody can and should tolerate such things for a long time. I'm just very angry right now. Not going to type anymore.

Auto Driver

My colleague travels in an auto rickshaw every evening to reach home from work. I have heard her complain quite a lot on the drivers on how rude they are and stuff. This is very normal in Bangalore. I usually don't fight or even argue with the drivers and do have lot of patience with them. But there has been days when I've felt like calling the cops to complain. Anyone who's been living here has had a bad experience with the auto drivers at least once.

But today the same colleague of mine told me about the driver who dropped her home yesterday. He is 88 years old ex army man, who's Hindi was the best she had heard from anyone till now. He was very nice and spoke well to her. His elder son works in the Navy and the younger one works in Bangalore as an Automobile Engineer. Stays in Banashankari with younger son. He told my colleague about how his sons are unhappy about him driving an auto in Bangalore. He does it as its his passion. He wants to be a driver till his last breath. Its not for money as his sons earn quite well and also gets house rent. He loves being a driver and it keeps him active.

I felt so good hearing all this. Thought someone like him don't really exist and its only in the movies or books where we come across such amazing people. Knowing they really exist makes me feel so good. Also inspires me to work. There has been days when i just want to quit my job, read books, watch movies, sleep for more than ten hours. 

Hearing bout people like this driver makes me look lazy and old. Am i not passionate about my job? Of course i am. Laziness has not come to his mind ever. Else he could just stay home all day. But he won't 'cos working keeps his mind active. And this is absolutely true. Sometimes during the weekend when I'm home doing nothing, i feel i've not given any work to my mind and its had good 48 hours of sleep.

This was the right time to hear about the driver in my life. I am so inspired. All i want to do is work harder and keep myself active and occupied.

Would like to thank my colleague Sutapa Dey for telling me about the driver. Hope i get to meet him one day.

He's here finally..!!!

Eight years and I'm still getting used to my niece's tantrums and fights. God just gave me a nephew to start all over again. This fellow seems to be just like his sister. Started with his drama right from day one. Sleeps whole day and keep his mum awake along with his grandma whole night. I spent a night with him and have understood how loud he can cry and scream. Its been four days and he's made people run around him every minute.

But he's so cute. We forget everything else around him. His angry face is making us smile. His screams and cries make us think of ways to calm him down. All i want to do around him is take as many pictures of him as possible. His black eyes look around the room and stop at where there is maximum light. Oh. I can go on writing about him. :)

Here is the new addition to my family.

Saying "Hi" to his sister who's clearly very happy.:)

Let Go

"Let go"

Everyone says this after listening to your problems with life. Few months back, I even wrote a post on how letting go makes us better end of the day. Now i say it all depends on situations. I think when i wrote the post, the situation was pretty fine for me to take sometime and let go. But i didn't know back then that there will be many many situations which are very serious and letting go would be just not possible. I have tried and still try when such instances occur. Letting go or just trying to forget it is a horrible feeling too. Already we are hurt 'cos of something bad, then when someone tells you in just few words to let go of it, it makes you irritated as what they are saying is actually good for us but we are unable to follow it.

Why is everything so complicated? Why can't life just be simple? Guess its too much to ask for. Too too much.

Burrrp..!!! Ewwww

I have a problem with an employee at my work place and i absolutely have no idea how to get it solved.

There's this man who walks by my desk every afternoon and burps. Very loud. Everyday. Every single day. This is irritating to the extent of requesting for change of place and i hate to do this 'cos i love my present place as the lights are low, temperature is perfect, great view and much more.

Point here is what can be done to stop this man from burping when he walks by my desk? Now don't think I've not tried to do anything about this. I don't complain without putting an effort first to solve the problem. I have stood up and given him disgusted look, have said the word "disgusting" pretty loud just so he could hear. Have made my friend to give him horrible looks along with me. None of this has worked. I can't wait for this man every afternoon and run away when he is walking towards my desk. I'll be wasting lot of time.

So is there anything I can do to stop this? Please help me my dear readers.


P.S : Is there anyone still reading this blog? Hmm.. I doubt.

Tic Tac

We all have our own addictions right? Like shoes, bags, phones and stuff. Well, my addiction is Tic Tac nowadays. God.. I eat them like every two hours. I want to stop. But need something else. Is orbit better than Tic Tac? Or worse? I'm going crazy just thinking about my addiction. Praveen hates it when i eat these and he's secretly been throwing the boxes I'm sure 'cos just two days back i bought three of them and can find only one.

Praveen : After reading this, if you send me a message apologizing for throwing Tic Tac, you are going to have a tough day tomorrow.

Need/Take help.. What's wrong???

I saw my colleague who looked like he really needed someone's help. His work had piled up and was trying to be everywhere. I was not completely occupied, so told him to let me know if i can take over few things from him just so he can concentrate on more important stuff. Now, I wasn't trying to say anything else. But his reaction was so crazy. He thought i was putting him down or assumed that i was showing off my time management skills or something of that sort. It wasn't my skill of working in less time compared to him or others. It was the kinda day where you can spare time for something other than your work and so thought of asking if he needed help. You know how it is.

But this guy's reaction is making me wonder if something has changed in the world we live in. Is it considered wrong to help or take help?

Maybe people don't like the word "Help". Should i have put it across as "Are you willing to share your work with me?" or something like that. I'm all confused now.

Why why why????

One thing i completely hate about Facebook is how few of them update what's on their mind all the time.

I know Facebook asks you what's on your mind every time you login but does that mean you have to answer every single time? Look, i don't hate you or have anything against you, but i don't wish to look at your picture every time i login to my account. This happens only 'cos you post your hundreds of thoughts, opinions and stuff. Now i agree we all have too too many things that goes around in our small brains. But i just don't want to scroll down my account screen more than ten times and still see your updates on how nice Bangalore weather makes you feel. I get it. We all do. We know very well you love the weather right now. So just have a cup of hot chocolate and sleep. Enough of your updates.

And stop liking your own updates and pictures. Why exactly do you do this? Why why why???

Serious Post #2

Any of you would agree with me if i say we have been programmed from our childhood days to respect elders. We are told not to argue or raise our voice to them. We are told to take their advice and follow them as they are more experienced than us in everything. We cannot question their knowledge as they have seen the world and different stages of life more than us. Its been told to us, i mean someone of my age in families to place the elders as role models who's life decisions and their way of living should give us a path to follow.

But what happens when their words and actions hurt us? Forget about hurting us as i can understand our opinions don't match or even be close to theirs. So i won't go into this.

So when we find elders hurting someone of their age with their words and actions, what does it show to us? If we stand up to what is right and try to give a suggestion, we would be reminded of how its not up to us to advice them as we are still young. How do we keep them as someone to be followed? How can we follow something blindly when it feels wrong? So respect has nothing to do with age?

I am not really into talking about these serious stuff. Don't know why this thought came to my mind today. Want my life to be as simple as possible. I follow what feels right at the end of the day. Do what brings happiness to you. If I'm going to sleep with a smile on my face, that's enough of a reason to look forward to next morning. I want to tell my children not to follow anyone blindly irrespective of their age. I want to tell them to question anyone at every step of their life and take decisions that suits them best. While doing this, i hope they don't become selfish.

First Instagram Picture.!!

The weather is just to great in Bangalore.. I love it. Ive been walking around the building, look out the window, take pictures (just to check how instagram works) 

Now, Before any of you start to think "Is this why Kavya Venkatesh gets paid?" Let me tell you all that i am amazingly good at what i do. I can proudly say Time management is my best quality.  Always and always make sure my work is done before i start walking around and dream. OK, enough praising myself.

I like doing this. I mean walking around and looking out the windows. There's construction work been done at one side of my work building and a huge farm at the other side. Both have lot of activity whole day. Which is good for me.. :-)

Here is the picture i took using Instagram.

Joy of new things..!!!!

Having a new phone is a whole different awesome feeling. Just got one and I've not stopped looking at it from past few hours. Its white in color and so I'll take extra care on keeping it clean at least for a month. Have changed wallpaper million times, listened to all ringtones, adjusted volume every hour, gone through all the apps although will never use any of those. I am not into phones and stuff but having a new one usually gets me all excited for few days. Then the excitement is all gone. Just like it happened with my camera.

I will be messaging and calling more than usual this week just so i can use my phone as much as possible. Will talk a lot about it. At lunch, breaks, dinner and any given opportunity. Will read about my phone in google (don't understand most of its content). Will compare with lesser known phones and feel great about mine. Will not even take a look at better ones. For next few months. Then I'll start looking at new ones, feel jealous looking at others having new phones and sulk. Don't want to talk about this right now 'cos I'm extremely happy at the moment and want to stay this way for few days. :-)

Oracle and Friends..!!!!

Sometimes few instances make you realize that you are very very lucky to have found great friends. If you've known me for a long time, will know for sure that I've had one girl (Nisha) as my best friend for as long as I or anyone remembers. I've written about this best friend of mine in few older posts here. There has been so many situations that I've handled well 'cos of her and going through tough times with her has always made me feel better. Meeting everyday or once in few months has not changed anything for us. We are still the same and this is the only thing in my life i can tell for sure that we will be the same forever. 

Talking about finding friends, it was not easy at my first job. I just could not have normal conversations with anyone and felt left out for various reasons. I also left the job in a short time so it was fine. But being with Oracle now, i can say I've found the right people who are as crazy or crazier than I am or will ever be. They are one of the main reason i wait for every morning to reach office and be with these people. I can share and do everything i wish and be assured of not being judged on my words and actions. What ties us all is a fact that we eat lot of junk.:)

So glad to be here. Don't ever wish to spend a single day missing them. Thanks you all..!!!

Chaitra, Beena, Amrita and Shipo

My team @ Oracle

Team's usual/favorite pose.. :)

Madhu and Sharon with me

Books Books Books..!!!!!

The joy of having books delivered to where you are is a feeling i just can't express in words. When i get a call from the flip kart or snap deal guys saying they are waiting at the door to deliver the books i ordered, i start jumping around, happiness could be seen in my eyes. It feels so great to know that you are never out of books. I will any day spend on books than clothes or bags.

When I'm close to the end of a book, I start worrying. This is when i go to Flip kart or snap deal to look for books and order them. Every month i make sure at least three are bought. I feel this is the best investment i can make. I don't care if there are no jewellery or property to be given in future to my kids. I want them to read as much as possible. I will not even tell them what to read. Just want them to read. If they have no interest in reading, its fine. I'll never force them 'cos till ten years i had no interest as well. Nobody forced me. My best friend was reading a lot and looking at that for a long time made me follow it. So if my kids have no interest, at least looking at me might make them read a bit.

I have to say we are lucky to have Flip kart, snap deal and other online book stores which are just so awesome. They are on time, always keep me updated on the status of the delivery and follow the instructions given by me while placing the order. Now don't think I've been asked by them to praise them or anything of that sort. I'm just a super happy girl today 'cos of BOOKS...!!!!!!!

Password problem..:-(

Somebody please tell me how i can remember passwords. I was almost in tears sometime back. Logged in to Blogger and typed my password which was incorrect for so many times i started worrying too much. This was not the kinda end to Yellow Umbrella i wanted. I even questioned my friend thinking he had something to do with this. I even started writing down all the passwords that i have created for all the accounts. It made things worse and i couldn't remember many others too. And then just tried once more and it worked. God.. First thing i did was change the password and write it down on a paper.

Now my problem is, i know very well that this paper will be lost in a day or two. I don't want to save the passwords in my phone as friends use my phone sometimes. Another worst thing about this is, i can never ever remember answers to security questions. So what can be done now? I don't want to write it down on a paper or save in phone. Can't remember security answers.

Please please please tell me if there are other options.

Arrrrrgggghhhhhhhhhhh

Nowadays i have this bad habit of guessing what the other person would say to my question. This is extremely irritating and god knows why its happening to me. I'll be having a normal conversation with friends and would normally ask a question about something related to what we are all talking. But before the other person can answer, within seconds i start guessing what their response could be. I can't believe my mind comes up with many guesses within seconds. Does this make me a genius? I doubt.

Am i the only one going through this or has this happened to any of you? Let me know before i really start worrying and look at online counseling options.

Mind games - Part 2

Few months back all i wanted to do was buy a camera and capture every minute of my life. Click as many pictures as possible. So i went ahead and bought one. I was very excited and actually took camera along everywhere. If you check my previous posts, will know i used to upload pictures that were taken by me over the weekends. Not one was good according to me but i was fine with it 'cos all i wanted was to click away.. :) I also planned to invest on a better camera and improve myself on photography.

But as it happens quite a lot, mind has changed and now don't even remember i have a camera. I feel so bad about this. Human mind i tell you.. Can change anytime any day as it pleases. And I'm a girl, so you can imagine how often and how well we change our minds.

Right now my mind is asking me to join horse riding classes. Should i do something about this?

Birthday Post..!!!!

There are days when mum and I are like best friends and share our thoughts, opinions, likes and dislikes. We can gossip and laugh about silly things for hours together. Fight with dad, tease and make him entertain us and stuff. But there are also those kinda days when we just don't seem to agree on anything which ends up in a huge argument and one of us or both in tears.

She's been of great support to me. Yes I've lied, cheated and got caught and made her lose trust in me a lot of times. But its never been a case where we've lost love for each other. At the most, we can manage to be angry for two days. Not more than that. Usually after two days, we start arguing on something or the same issue and come to a conclusion and decide on how to rectify the issue (most of the time, alteration in my behavior)

But sometimes after a lot of explaining (for more than a week i should say), she does change her mind and accept the change to make me happy. When she does this, i feel like changing a bit for her and give back the happiness. This has worked for us and I'm glad.

During our fights and arguments, I've told her several times and i would not be like her when i have kids of my own. But i have always and always taken back those words once anger came down. If being caring, loving, bit of controlling and supporting through everything is what being a Mom is. Then i would love to be exactly that. Just like my mum. She used to say, i would miss her a lot once married and living away from her. Had not thought about it till today. Now that I'm getting closer to that day of starting to live away from her, I'm bit scared on how i would cope. Would miss her so much. Her physical presence every morning and night. But she'll always be there for me. And I'm sure our small fights and arguments would continue. :-)

Its her birthday tomorrow and i thank her for everything. Absolutely everything.

Happy Birthday Amma..!!!! :-)

Tomorrow will be better

No matter how many times and how long you order yourself on being strong, you break down and lose hope in everything. Now, this Hope is a very strange thing that I've tried to understand, failed quite a few times and stopped thinking about it. You lose it one minute and the next you are filled with Hope. It makes you go crazy. Makes you cry and smile.

Past few days have been so tiring physically and emotionally, I've been very distracted and not been able to do the thing i love the most. Writing. Not that I've ever been great at it. Who cares about it anyways? Writing was my way of expressing happiness, anger, jealousy and almost every other feeling. I kinda let go of writing and blog somewhere. But not gonna lose it for everything. No matter what end of the day, its mine. It defines me.

Only thing that's making me feel better is saying "Tomorrow is going to be better" before going to sleep.

can't think of a title

One of the worst feeling is being uncertain. I just hate it. What to do and What not to do questions block your mind and won't let you concentrate on anything. No matter how many times you make up your mind to stop thinking about it and take the day as it comes, its just not possible. If only we could just forward our days a bit and see how exactly everything has turned out. 

You must be saying its all about going through life step by step and should experience every little detail of it. I know. Have said the same and maybe even written about it in some post over here at some point of time. But right now I've just lost it. So i will write whatever comes to my mind. Anyways i have never thought twice before writing what comes to my mind. I have even written on days when my mind didn't say anything.

If you read this post and blamed yourself on wasting precious two minutes of your life, i can't help it. Anyways if every two minutes of life was oh so precious to you, would you have been sitting and reading blogs?

I'm going to stop typing now.

Getting better

I had heard too many people say, being with those who think positive makes you think same way. When anyone said this to me, used to nod, smile and walk away 'cos i really didn't believe that was possible. And to some extent i was fine with myself not being able to think and be positive about everything in life.

I have a friend at work who is so positive about everything and anything, it made me wonder sometimes if its just a show off. Sad of me to question his attitude just 'cos i can't be that way. Working along and being his friend has actually made me think and look at the positive side of everything after few minutes of my negative what if things go wrong kinda attitude.

Its not changed my way of thinking but its made me better. I still think about what might go wrong when placed with a new situation. Spend few minutes worrying and even crying. But one big difference right now is i worry for five minutes, thinking about the worst scenario that could happen. Then i start thinking about the best possible scenario, which obviously make me happy. And then i forget about both to just wait and face whatever is meant to happen.

I'm back..!!!!!

My own blog seems like a strange place to me right now. Its been a long time i wrote anything. There were too many days when i questioned myself on what made me have a blog. Saying it was a busy month would just be me giving a stupid excuse 'cos we all know nobody can be that busy to not have few minutes to do what we love. Didn't i watch tv for an hour everyday? I did. Didn't i go through pictures in Facebook of girls wearing amazing shoes and feel jealous? I did. So i was not busy with work or anything. Its hard to explain what really happened. I guess its all about priorities. Can't really say.

I did think once or twice about writing but couldn't. It scared me 'cos blogging was something that was so close to me few weeks back and feeling it going away from me was not good. Not that i was great at it or anything. But it was mine. My way of expressing, complaining and feeling better about myself.

Realized something had to be done about this. But didn't know what. So i just took a paper and a pen. Blue gel pen and a blank paper, just like college days and started writing about my day. It was just normal "i did this" "i liked that" kinda stuff. Wrote few sentences but it made me feel so great. I guess nothing really goes away from us if we don't want it to. We just have to put a little effort to hold it back.

I miss her

Two days back my maternal grandmother came over to stay with us for a day. It felt so good to have her with her, though she talks very less. Its a great feeling to have someone of that age and knowledge. She knows more than hundred proverbs for sure and uses them at the right time with right people. Has set of rules for herself and her family and makes sure we all follow them. These rules are nothing that would make us sad or angry. So we follow them to make her happy. Her small cotton bag is always filled with cookies and sweets.

Her one day stay with us made me think about my paternal grandmother a lot. She passed away few years back. I still can't believe this. I've never cried after she left us 'cos it feels like she's just living at cousin's place and will be back soon. She was my best friend. I used to wonder when people said their grandparents were very close to them and shared everything. I had not lived with grandparents till my paternal grandmother came to stay with my family.She had taken care of me a lot during my childhood which was forgotten along the years. I felt a bit uneasy first few days as i had to share my room with her. But i noticed that she never spoke too much and never expected to spend time with her. She had her own routine and never interrupted ours. It was somewhere after two or three weeks that she asked me to join her for morning walk. I joined her next morning only to find her walk more than 8 rounds around a huge park. Real big park. I couldn't manage to finish three rounds. I was 19 and she was 78. So you can imagine.

One day I was out with friends and came back home very late. Parents were obviously wild and so had to listen to their anger words for an hour or so. I was angry too. Went to my room to find grandma waiting for me. She had excitement in her eyes and a smile on her face. And asked me how my day was and where i went with friends. It felt so great to come back home to a friend.

There are so many things to say and write about this awesome lady, can start a whole new blog just for her. Today I don't have her physically at home and i  miss that. Miss showing her new clothes, Miss not taking her to new malls, sharing mid night snacks and stuff.

But it might sound very movie type, but most of the days I really feel she's around. Feel she's looking at me during walks and laughing whenever i stop after every round. I feel her telling me its good to make mistakes and just remember not to repeat them. I feel her in Me.   

Today's not her birthday or any other special day. Its just another day when I miss her.

Bad Bad Bad

Bad Hair Day and No Clothes Day together spoils your day completely. Don't i sound like those super fashion conscious types? Let me tell you something about myself. I'm not into fashion, clothes, jewellery, bags and stuff. I repeat my clothes so often that it makes my friends think I'm stingy to spend on new clothes. I usually wear them till they tear. Not that i don't wear torn clothes. I'm not really into shopping. Get tired in an hour. So buy what seems fine in the first shop i enter. I even make my best friend shop for me 'cos I'm so bad at choosing. You get the point, don't you?

So you must be wondering how can someone like me bother about bad hair day n not having enough clothes? I wondered too today morning. But i woke up, saw myself in the mirror and actually got scared for a minute and then started worrying. Scared what might happen if i look like this weird every morning and worry for those who work with me for eight hours a day. Thought to shave my head and say i did it for good cause crossed my mind. But mum and dad would kill me for that. Somehow managed to get used to my super scary hair. But when there was absolutely nothing in the closet to wear to work, i lost it. This happened 'cos most of them had to be washed or pressed or both.

Anyways, have worn pink trouser with a white shirt (half pressed) and hair which looks like bad wiring done by a really bad electrician. God.. I don't know what I'm typing.

Post after a week..!!!!

I have been so busy that nothing other than work has been on my mind. But exactly ten minutes back, something made me leave everything behind and just click on "create new post" and start typing. As expected, i don't really have anything to say. But just the fact that i did leave work behind to write a post is making me super happy. I feel like a writer..!!

Lets keep another fact aside that real writers might wake up middle of the night or not finish a meal just to run to their dark writing room (with simple yet great furniture and perfect lighting) and come up with a thought provoking article or a whole book that would in future win an award. But that's not me. I am at my work place, next to a colleague saying " system's too slow" every two minutes, on a floor that's not lit well (saving electricity) , with the irritating air conditioner sound, typing this post with nothing on mind.

Anyways as per Google's first meaning, a writer is A person who has written a particular text. So i can obviously call myself a writer.

Second meaning is "A person who writes books, stories, or articles as a job or regular occupation."

Lets just consider first one. 

B'day Post

Past two days I've heard my family and friends ask me "what plans for birthday?" so many times that I'm actually wondering if staying home is not considered normal anymore.

I understand its normal for anyone to ask this question and sometimes even i ask this same question to others. I'm going to stop though 'cos every time I'm being asked what i plan to do on my birthday, can't think of much to say. I'm not into getting dressed up for hours, paying out of my budget to have a meal or to attend a party, look at extremely thin girls wearing awesome clothes that i don't think can afford for next few years ( even if i start saving from next month), feel jealous and come back home tired. I've done this during college days and I'm pretty sure was not happy about it back then too, but did it anyway 'cos didn't have enough sense to decide on what suits me and obviously didn't want to feel left out. Just followed the crowd. But i don't regret. Have had fun those days and made great friends in between.

Back then, my best friend and I used to take more than five hours to just planing our birthdays. Used to make list of things to buy for the day n everything. It was fun. Now things aren't the same. There's no planning. I might have lunch or dinner with friends. Or might even just stay home with family. It really doesn't matter to me much if i go out on birthday or not. During college days, when anyone asked about plans, used to have lot of answers. Now i just say "Nothing much, as usual".

This is not feeling old or sad about anything. I'm happy about spending my birthday like any other normal day.

Guest Post by David Masters

On Jealousy and Laughter

This is a story about Kavya's blog, and how it is getting around the world. I found Kavya's Yellow Umbrella blog on the front page of Google.

I'm a writer and more than anything I long to write a novel. But when I sit down to write I often feel blocked. I feel jealous of all the writers who have been published. I think: "How come they get to have their books published, and not me?" It's a stupid question when I haven't even written my novel. Yet the stupid question stops me from writing.

Recently, I decided to do something about it.

I typed in "Writer's Block Jealousy" into Google, and the Yellow Umbrella blog came up. I found Kavya's post about how she feels jealous of bloggers who suffer from writer's block.

"Why am i not having writer's block?" Kavya wrote. "Oh my god. I feel so left out."

Reading this, I could only laugh. I suffer writer's block because I am jealous of other writers. And here was someone who was jealous of people who suffer from writer's block.

Laughing helped me see my problem from another angle, and helped me to take myself less seriously. When I'm laughing or smiling, it's difficult to feel jealous.

I'm grateful to Kavya for showing me another point of view.

Did I cure my jealousy? I don't know. Maybe it will always be here. Maybe it will slowly fade. But I did start writing fiction a little every day.

And there's good news for Kavya too. I read that she finally suffered from writer's block.

So we both have reason to celebrate!

This is a guest post by David Masters.

Is it just me????

Is it just me or do you guys believe too that happiness makes us fat?

Its definitely making me very fat. Page view count of blog increases and i grow fat, Gulab jamun in lunch menu and I'm fatter, make plans with friends to have cupcakes whole day and i feel heavy to walk around, even before having two cupcakes. I agree last two sentences have food in them which had in huge quantity would make anyone feel heavy but you know what I'm talking about.

Happiness actually makes me fat i think. Now that never stops me from being happy though. Its not that my food intake increases the moment I'm happy about something. Maybe its all in my head. Can't really say.

What next?

When someone hurts you, its horrible. But what's worse is when they are not even aware of this and treat you like nothing's happened. They go on living exactly how they were before and that makes you wonder if you even mattered to them. If we realize that we didn't really matter to them, what's next? Do we have to change the way we treat them? They meant something to you and suddenly changing the way you treat them is not possible. But caring so much for someone who didn't think twice before hurting you is not worth caring for.

So what are we supposed to do?

Let your hair down.. No i won't

I've heard too many of my friends saying let your hair down and feel the wind in your hair. They say this usually when we are driving around and they all look out of the window(except the one driving, obviously) thinking about how awesome the wind is and all. I get to hear this even more when good music is being played. I want to ask them all one question. Will you help me untangle my horrible hair for hours later? No. All of you would go back home with super silky shiny hair and I'll go back with hair that looks like Marge Simpson's. I love her, but that's not the point here.

I understand my friends want me to enjoy the wind and all. I do, trust me. But i like to tie up my hair. Does wind care about it? No. Do i care about it? No. Am i having fun? Yes. So what's the problem here?

Next time one of you try to untie my hair without my permission, your fingers will be chopped.

Ignore this post

I have one question to ask all the bloggers. What makes you write? Do you have something like a book of blogging topics that you go through and choose one subject to write on everyday or twice a week? 'cos i have absolutely nothing to write about today. Nothing.

I logged into Blogger and clicked on Create new post. That's what i do every time i log in, and start typing so loud that it makes people around me think I'm typing my resignation email. I would not do that 'cos its at office that i write most of my posts using laptop approved by my manager. God. What am i saying? Is this why I'm still working? No. I love my job, office, cab, cafeteria and everything. We even celebrate Doughnut Day. How awesome is that? Four of us had more than eight doughnuts.

Today when i clicked on Create New Post, i was kinda blank and had nothing to write about. So wrote about how i had nothing to write about.

I'll stop typing now.

Crazy Stupid : I guess its Me

This post might sound so stupid that you might never ever read my blog. But i have to write this. Please understand.

There is a one weird person at work. Must be of the age forty. Its freaking me so much. I see this person everywhere. Have seen him standing at a corner of cafeteria and looking at people with a crazy dumb expression on his face. This expression is like those we see in the movies when the silent crazy killer gives you a spooky dumb smile just before killing. When i go to the pantry to get green tea, i see this person looking out of the window and never once turning around. Past two days I've not seen him with anyone. He's alone all the time. When i go for a walk. I see him walking around too. 

I feel stupid even writing this. Imagine if he thinks I'm the crazy killer type girl who is looking at him all the time. But trust me. I'm not following him or anything.

Maybe he's just looking at the new doughnut stall and smiling to himself trying to decide which one to buy. And looking out of the window (serious expression) trying to decide between popcorn and corn. And just like me, going for a fifteen minute walk every evening to lose the extra fat.

Now, i would like to mention that my family and friends have always told me about how I'm too good at assuming things. But am i so good to assume all this and worry about it for hours together and not even think the sole reason behind me being in office?

Yeah, I am that good.

Serious Post

I have a friend who is so religious, you will actually find him listening to devotional songs most of the time. Me, being completely non religious, get into numerous arguments and fights with him. I point out to him all the time that i believe in God or super natural power or what ever name you give. But not religion.

I don't like to get into such discussions 'cos to me its waste of time to even think about religion. But i argue with a smile to just check my friend's patience and his stand on things he believes. I have to say its amazing to see him talk about it for hours and never once even give an opportunity for me or anyone to alter his belief. I do feel bad to have given it a try to change his thoughts. He has tried to change mine and few others opinions on religious stuff but we have not given up on what we believe too. 

We've been having a lot of talks and discussions about right and wrong, what to do and what
not, whom and what to follow. Have never come to a conclusion though 'cos I'm assuming our knowledge on God, religion and other serious stuff is not to that extent of deciding on it, or maybe we don't want to conclude. At least i don't expect a final answer or an end to these kinda discussions. I'm not here to dig into the right and wrong mentioned by others and judge. I just want to learn about anything and everything. I feel all these are good to know information.

End of the day we all follow, share, read and talk about what makes us happy. If following a particular religion and visiting temples on Shivrathri makes him happy, good for him. Reading about Lord Shiva and how he was a normal human being like us but with amazing qualities, make me happy. So good for me.


P.S : Apologies for the title of the post. Just couldn't think of anything else.

Beep Beep..!!!

There are days when i decide to live without any expectations. Be positive  take every day as it is, gracefully accept what happens, not blame myself or others for anything, go to sleep with a smile. I also create a reminders in phone to follow the above mentioned. 

But half way through the day, i day dream about so many things, lose track of reality. These dreams of mine are obviously over expectations. After few hours, realize that the chances of these expectations to be met are much lesser than me getting an increment. This makes the thought of trying to be positive go away. After which nothing i say and do would even be considered bit graceful  Somehow i find a way to show anger, jealousy, regret and so many other feelings in such a wonderful way, makes me wonder why i never thought of becoming an actor. 

In between all these, my phone beeps with a big smiley reminding me to stay positive  This is when i lose it completely and drop (some call it throw) the phone. And when you have a delicate HTC one, the broken screen reminds you of the super day till you get it fixed. 

End of the day, when my broken phone remind me to sleep smiling. I actually smile about how hopeless the day has been. 

I Am What I Am (Not always)

Its so easy to become a whole different person. For a short period of time. People say its pretending. I say its just us trying to be someone we wish we were. Again for short time. We become a different person with different likes, dislikes, interests and opinions. I think this change usually happens when we are trying to impress someone. We like that person so much for their thoughts and interests that we often find ourselves copying them, trying our best to not let them know this. We want them to think our likes and dislikes match theirs. Even if our opinion on a certain subject is completely different from theirs, we smile and agree to what they say. I say this goes on only for a short time 'cos we just cannot be someone else forever. Even if we really want to. 

I will never say its bad of us to become a different person to impress someone. I have heard too many people talking about how we need to be ourselves all the time. But is it that simple? No. Nothing is simple i guess. 

There's a possibility that once you stop being like the other person and start being yourself with the one you wish to impress, he/she might not wish to be in touch with you as your thoughts don't match theirs. But even after knowing this, they continue to be with you, argue on each and every subject. You are lucky. I know few of you might not agree with me on this.

I have friends who argue with me on almost all the things i talk about and i love that. I have been a different person with few for a short time, got fed up being that way and started being myself. I have lost few people and few have stayed back with me. All i can say is don't stop yourself from becoming a different person. When you stop, you are again not being yourself. Will always have a thought in mind that you are trying too hard to be yourself. So just go with the flow. 

I don't.. I do

Its really funny how we say "I don't care" when we are angry about something we obviously care about. I say this all the time when I'm angry with someone. It usually goes this way. I mess my mind about something silly, assume lots, blame others and myself for hours, cry over it for days. When the other person talks about, i say "I don't care about it". Then when he/she questions my anger again, i end up screaming "cos i care about it".

Friends who have been with me for years know very well about this stupid "I don't, I do" games of  mine. Its just not me. Have seen few of my friends go through this too. So I'm not the only one. This is so typical of us, right? The moment we realize there are others like us, we feel better. But when we feel there is absolutely no one else who share similar thoughts and opinions with us, we start questioning and doubting ourselves. I guess we just don't want to be alone. Even in our thoughts.

I'm sorry for posting this. God knows what exactly i wanted to write about. This has been happening too often with my writing. Wow.. Feels good to say "My writing".. :-)

MIA - The End

He's back.

But with super bad attitude. Just asked him where he was past three days and his reply was "was in home town to celebrate a festival, what's wrong in me going away???" Now I'm like pretty sure my question was not rude or didn't even accuse him of running away. It was a simple "where were you"
question. Didn't know what to say after that. Just drank coconut water and came back to work.

I'm guessing too many people had asked him the same question and he was fed up answering. If he had just told us before leaving. This day could be avoided.

If you are wondering who I'm talking about. Please read my previous post. 

Missing In Action

For past few months, been drinking tender coconut water everyday with friends at work. Everyday. The guy who sells is kinda our friend. One of my friend has been buying from him for more than six months. So yea, every evening, used to go for a walk with friends and have tender coconut water. It was nice, though its twenty bucks. Think it used to cost less than ten rupees few years back. But i get it. It was "few years" back. Can't expect price of anything to be the same for more than few days.

Anyways, its been three days this tender coconut selling friend is missing. Guessing he has good contacts at my work place, planning to put up a message at the notice board at work to contact me if they have any information on his disappearance. I have spent enough time and energy blaming my friend to not have asked his phone number just in cases like now when we could've contacted him. You can ask me if i have the phone number of the one from whom my family buys vegetables. No i don't have the number but i know where he lives. Get my point, don't you?

OK. Enough of blaming games. I want to find this man and make him continue his super profitable business. Want to know the real reason behind all this. I have admired his entrepreneurial skills for long enough to spend time on knowing the reason. He's been selling coconut water for more than ten years at the same place. So what can the reason be?

Hoping to find answers very soon. Wish me luck.

Shiny eyes

I love talking to people who have a shine in their eyes while talking about things they love. It can be anything. Their work, hobby, love etc etc.. When they are talking about it, you can actually see happiness in their eyes. That special smile and their eyes shining takes you to their world. You can very well understand that awesome feeling they are going through and if you can relate to it even a little bit, you'll be lucky to share that feeling. This shine in the eyes can't be seen among everyone all the time.

I say the subject can be anything 'cos I've seen this shine when my best friend Nisha talks about Mermaids. She is a very curious girl and i completely love that about her. One day she needed some help with her MBA project and asked to come over to her place to help her with it. But somehow we started talking about Mermaids and i realized she's been reading a lot about it. Lot of thinking process has been done by her. In fact more than her MBA project, i could find information in her laptop on Mermaids. It was amazing to see her talking, thinking, asking around about this. And yes, the happiness in her eyes while she did this was enough for me to feel it too.

I observe while talking to my friends and family and let them know somehow about this. But as a matter of fact, you don't need someone like me to tell you when your eyes shine. If you find yourself talking about something for more than an hour and would love to spend every minute talking about it, remember this post and know there's a shine in your eyes and a smile on your face.

Cute Idea Ad

I've been so busy with work, had no time to check my personal emails. Not that i had any to be read. Didn't even have enough time to take a look at the blog page view count. But i love this. Being busy with work makes me happy. Thought have had very less sleep this week, its great to be occupied.

Its been such a work week that I've not even read a single page of any book. Thanks god its Friday and i have two whole days to read.

But there's something that's made me smile a lot this week. Its the Idea Valentines Day ad. God.. Its so cute that i don't miss watching it every time its on TV.

Here it is..

Why no poem????

I am so jealous of all you bloggers who post poems every other day. Its so hard for me to even form meaningful sentences that i really question myself on how i could clear all the exams in School and College. Especially those dictation tests. And on top of this, my parents had to name me Kavya which means poem. Oh god.

I wonder if you all are just posting poems written by poets unknown to the world 'cos you are sure about them not reading your blog. Don't think poets have enough time to read blogs. They must be spending every minute coming up with rhyming words and stuff. If you guys are doing this, please let me know. Send me an email about it 'cos i know you can't place a comment revealing your stealing poems secret. Reading your emails about how incapable you are to write poems would make me feel better about myself.

If you are a real poet and have posted those written only by you. Well, Good.

Sorry my jealousy doesn't let me say much.

Untitled post

Too many people have asked how long i plan to work. To which i always say as long as i enjoy my work. Till now this has been my answer in all my interviews. In one of the interviews, was told that work is not to have fun, not to enjoy. I obviously didn't get the job and was glad.

I don't get it. Why work if its not fun? When i say fun, don't mean to watch movies and dance around whole day. Its enjoying what we do. Sometimes i feel happy to be just deleting more than fifty emails. Few years back having two unread emails in personal account felt great. So you can imagine my happiness now. I just love my working. Getting ready to work, getting stuck in traffic and pretending to be late for a meeting, taking tea breaks and talking about how hectic work life has come to, fear of meeting targets, awards, happiness when there is a small difference in the cafeteria menu. I love everything about working and having a job.

But one thing i love the most is celebrating special days with everyone. Living in small families and meeting cousins and relatives twice or thrice a year makes us lose the real touch of festivals. But its at work, you meet those who become your extended family with whom you would spend more than eight hours a day. Celebrating birthdays and festivals with them makes me feel so good about myself and life. After eight hours with them, i actually love going back home to tell mum and dad everything about my day. Its also making me spend more time with my family.

Somehow it feels like this whole post don't really make sense. I'm having such thoughts every time i write nowadays. But who says i have to make sense? So forget it. I'm going to post what ever i type. Spelling and grammar mistakes and genuine and not typo errors. My sentence formation is not very good. But not too bad i hope.

What did i start talking about in the post and what did i end with? Perfect..!!!

P.S : Wasn't able to think of a title for this post.

David - Second Day, Second Show

Watched David and it was better than i expected it to be. I want to watch the movie again and again. Not just 'cos of Vikram. Its the story, acting and music that i completely loved. Every actor in the movie has done such a great job that you would forget everything else around you and get involved with the three stories. Music is just too good. I especially loved the number "Three Kills"

There is a part where due to religious fights, one of the protagonist thinks about killing the women who is behind the fights as a revenge. He is filled with enough anger to kill her and also gets an easy opportunity to do so. But she falls to his feet by mistake and looks up to him. And in her eyes he can see how scared she is to lose her life to him. He drops the knife and walks away. That fear in her was enough for him to let go of revenge. It made him a better person.

I just loved that part of the movie. That particular scene was for a minute or two but its something I'll remember for a long time.

David is a must watch.

Who could i be tomorrow???

Was in training for more than an hour today. The kinda words that were used in training were those even Google's simple English couldn't make me understand. Just when i was thinking about what to wear to work tomorrow, my mum gave me a call. I managed to answer the call even during the training 'cos mum usually calls to let me know the menu for dinner at home so that i can choose between home food and cafeteria food. So you can imagine how important this call was.

But to my shock, she asked me to check about IAS exams.  Now i was really shocked 'cos never once has mum shown any interest in taking any exams. Her vision, hearing and memory power is pretty low nowadays. So asked her what's going on. She watched an interview of a girl who had cleared the exams and it made her very happy. So she wanted me to write the exams as well so that she can watch my interview as well. Told her I'm in a training and cut the call.

I can't stop thinking about this now. What made her think i would even clear the exams? Other than the full form of IAS, i know nothing about it. Moreover i don't even want to take the exam. So called her after few hours and told her about my lack of interest. I was feeling very bad thinking about how hurt she would be about my decision.

But it didn't really matter to her. Guess she was just giving it a try and didn't really think i would be up for it. Or she might have watched an interview of a traffic police or a snake catcher and planing to ask me about it tomorrow.

Vending machine

Two or three months back two vending machines were placed in the cafeteria in my office. People ran to take a look at those. We were all very excited. A demo was organized by the facility team. People like me left everything else behind and reached cafeteria minutes before the demo started. We were told that the machine accepts only new ten rupee notes. Didn't really bother about this.

A note was stuck on the machine, step by step on how to use it. First few days, machine accepted even the old notes. I'm guessing it was being friendly with us. But people like me took advantage of it. Started pushing the oldest, almost torn notes. Two or three days it accepted. Fourth day i wanted to have Britannia chocolate cake. It accepted the crumpled ten rupee note and didn't work. I didn't get the cake. Pushed another ten bucks into the machine. Didn't work. One smart fellow asked me to check with a twenty rupee. It accepted even that and didn't work at all. We hit the machine twice or thrice which didn't make a difference.

Now both the vending machines have disappeared from the cafeteria. Not sure what happened. Hope i didn't kill them.

And I'm still not sure why i had to waste twenty rupees though the instructions were very clear to use only new ten rupee notes.

My Jiju is the best..!!!

I was a fourteen year old girl when my sister got married. It didn't matter to me much 'cos thought nothing's gonna change in my life. The wedding day to me was just about dressing up in new clothes, have good food and walk around with friends and family. At that point was not aware that my sister's soul mate would become one of those very few i look up to.

I say look up to 'cos he's proves everyday how easy it is to not judge people, not talk bad about even our worst enemies. He stays calm at any situation no matter how hard it is. He's been a great brother-in-law, friend, money lender and adviser to me. He's the only one I've met till now who talks about positive things even in anger. There has been situations when i needed someone to get me back to reality and think practically and he's done that. Days when i wanted nobody to talk but listen to me and he was there to listen. He's got along so well with my parents that i sometimes feel he's my brother and got home a daughter-in-law. I know my sister's gonna hate me for this.. :-)
 
I thank him for everything. For all those days we fought over silly things, argued on our different opinions 'cos he taught me a lot through those fights and arguments. And the days when he has supported me when i felt the whole world was against me. I've never thanked him 'cos he knows its easy for me to write about thanking and stuff but can never say it face to face.

He's been a great brother-in-law and i know would continue to  be so.

Happy Birthday Jiju.. :-) :-)

Liebster Award

The minute i logged in to Blogger, saw there were two comments to be published by me. Having comments to be published is obviously a happy thing to me or any blogger. One comment was from Mehroo Turel from http://frommissindiatomotherhood.blogspot.hk who said my blog has been hand picked among the other few to receive the Liebster-award. Now i had heard about this award but had no idea how it works. And also thought for a minute that it might just be a funny comment. Went ahead and checked the link she provided. First thing i noticed was how pretty the Liebster award logo looked. Pink and pretty.

Here it is people 

Then i read the below instructions which I'm following now.

Liebster Award is used to highlight smaller, lesser known blogs, blogs that have less than 200 followers. Liebster (the word means kindest, dearest, beloved, cute, endearing in German) is an award that you accept with an intention of paying it forward.

While accepting the award you have to:

a. Post 11 things about yourself
b. Answer 11 questions set by the nominator
c. Choose 11 deserving bloggers meeting the criteria
d. Set 11 questions for them.
e. Inform the nominee by commenting on one of their posts.
You are not obligated to accept the award to send it forward. This is just a way to get a word out about new blogs that your followers may not know.

a. Post 11 things about yourself

1. I can manage to work for more than 60 hours without sleep.

2. I have never carried a just born baby. Very very scared to.

3. I'm scared of all animals and birds.

4. I have never been in the kitchen for more than ten minutes.

5. I want to own a book store.

6. I am worried about my eight year old niece being smarter than me.

7. I like only strawberry lip balm.

8. I have just spent more than an hour to write 11 things about myself.

9. I can have more than fifteen Gulab Jamun in less than an hour.

10. I started writing a blog to just type and look busy at work.

11. I am not photogenic.

b. Answer 11 questions set by the nominator

1. Since how many months/years have you been blogging?
    From April 2012

2. How many close family members do you have as followers on your blog?
    Six family members follow my blog

3. Has any family member/close friend been offended by what you might have written about them in your blog? You could elaborate if you wish.
    No.

4. What has been the biggest challenge in blogging so far?
    Forming meaningful sentences

5. What is the best blogging time in the day for you?
    Can't decide. Have even woken up from sleep to write. So can't say.

6. If you had just one piece of good advice to give a fresh blogger, what would it be?
    Join as many Blogger communities as possible.

7. How many incomplete posts have you written that you somehow couldn't complete? Why so?
    Not one yet.

8. How has blogging helped you as a person?
    I don't spend time anymore on Facebook looking at beautiful girls and feeling jealous. When i have time, i write. I'm a better person now.

9. What is your ultimate blogging goal? Does it have a timeline?
    No goal. No timeline

10. Do you have a friend who is also a blogger? Do you compete?
    Oh yes. A very good friend of mine is also a blogger. I compete.

11. Give me your honest opinion about MY blog.
    Love the Blog title. And your Birthday post.

c. Choose 11 deserving bloggers meeting the criteria

And the Award winners are.....

1. Sudeep from http://whenistartwriting.blogspot.sg/
2. Amit from http://amitdas911.blogspot.in
3.Aryaansh Sood from http://ankious.blogspot.in/
4. Ashish  from http://koncern.blogspot.in
5. Sheba from http://www.shebasamuel.blogspot.in
6.Maggie from http://itsaboutmypassions.blogspot.in/
7. Ananth Vitlani  from http://ananthvitlani.blogspot.in
8. Magiceye from http://instantwords.blogspot.in/
9. Ashish Joshi  from http://www.usemylenses.com
10. Debopam  from http://debnature.blogspot.in/
11. Ravi Akula from http://chroniclesofraviakula.blogspot.in/
12. Neo Prady from http://neoimaginations.blogspot.in

Oh.. I have chosen 12 winners.. Not a problem i guess for breaking the rule. You guys can go ahead with 11 though.. :-) 

d. Set 11 questions for them

Hey people, I hope this Award brings a smile on your face just like it did to my bored Friday face.

Take time to read about this award and continue the tradition. Sorry if my questions are stupid.. :-)  Happy Blogging..!!!!

1. What made you start your blog?
2. What would make you stop blogging?
3. Who is your favorite Blogger?
4. Which according to you is your best post till now?
5. Who was the first person you told about your blog?
6. Who was your first blog follower?
7. How long do you usually take to write a post?
8. Are you concerned about page view counts?
9. Does having less than 200 followers matter to you?
10. What is the best part of blogging?
11. Do you encourage others to start blogging?

e. Inform the nominee by commenting on one of their posts.
Done..!!!